


Kintsukuroi

by nellehui



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, How Do I Tag, Insecure Wen Junhui | Jun, Jun is a hardworking bb, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Send Help Pls, Wen Jun Hui | Jun is a Sweetheart, Wen Jun Hui | Jun-centric, all svt members make an appearance, based on chapter 2, but still insisted on singing, eventually, loosely inspired by that CYZJ episode, seungkwan should be a detective, where jun lost his voice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-01-15 22:20:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18508219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nellehui/pseuds/nellehui
Summary: Kintsukuroi - more beautiful for having been broken.“The proof of of its fragility and its resilience is what makes it beautiful.” - Cami Travis-GrovesHe didn't notice the slight tremble in his legs as he walked, or the shallow pants that tore itself from his chest. He didn't notice the way his eyesight flickered with dark spots dotting his vision- or rather, he didn't want to notice, blaming it instead on the cheap lighting of the room.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Um, so, this is like my first work ever for any fandom, so if y’all have any constructive criticism, please tell me so I can get better!! I’ve been lurking on ao3 for a good year now, and I’ve finally found the courage to post this fic, so please be gentle... Ummm this fic is also unbeta’d cuz I don’t have a beta (._.)

_Ta-ta-ta-ta-TA_

_Ta-ta-ta-TA-ta-TA_

_Ta-ta-ta-ta-TA_

The rhythmic sounds of dancing shoes echoed in the practice room. The slender figure of a male, silhouetted by the single bright artificial light bulb at the back of the room, moved with fluid grace across the floor, in tandem with the music. Once the song ended, the male remained in his ending position for a couple of seconds, critically looking over himself in the mirror. A frown came across his face. His eyes narrowed upon seeing how his legs were not at the _perfect_ angle, how the lines of his body just don't look _right_.

Staring at the mirror, he wishes that he can have the casual smoothness that some of the members have, or the explosive energy of some other members, or-

_DING_

The male sighed. ‘ _Might as well practice some more_ ,’ he thought. Walking to the corner of the room where the sound originated from, his eyes fell on the message on the lock screen of his phone.

From: Kwannie (๑>◡<๑)

_Are you still at the practice room Junnie-hyung? It's so late … come back to the dorm already~_

 

From: Junnie-Hyung ヾ(๑╹◡╹)ﾉ"

_Yea, I think I'll stay to practice the choreo one last time though. You should go to sleep now, it's late. I'll go home soon._

 

With a heavier sigh, Junhui pried himself away from the wall that he was leaning on in the corner and walked back to the center of the room. He didn't notice the slight tremble in his legs as he walked, or the shallow pants that tore itself from his chest. He didn't notice the way his eyesight flickered with dark spots dotting his vision- or rather, he didn't want to notice, blaming it instead on the cheap lighting of the room.

With the music starting once again, Junhui breathed in, calming his mind, and getting into character. _One, two, three, and four and five. Jump. Six and seven and jump once more- ouch._

His legs had buckled beneath him at the second jump. Wincing at the sudden pain each inhalation brought to his lungs, Junhui tried to get up, but his body refused to listen.

 _‘Okay_ ,’ he thought, ‘ _a quick 3 minute rest won't hurt._ ’

Relaxing his body against the cool tiles of the floor, Junhui felt as if there were an invisible force pulling his eyes closed. Eyes fluttering closed, his breaths also evened out. But with a jerk, Junhui forced himself up and awake, thinking, ‘ _No, I can't fall asleep now, I have to practice the dance some more. It_ _needs_ _to be perfect._ **_I need to be perfect._ **’

Getting into position once more, he studiously ignored pain radiating from his limbs telling himself, ‘ _One more time, just once more, and then I'll rest._ ’ The same words he had spoken aloud to his members when they left the practice room 3 hours ago.

It wasn't that they told him that he wasn't good enough. Oh no, the members were too nice for that. It was more of the way Seungcheol’s brows furrowed when he noticed Junhui practicing, almost disapproving, the way Wonwoo’s eyes narrowed (with glasses on) when they made eye contact in the mirror. It was the way the other members whispered to and nudged each another, making what they thought was discreet hand gestures towards him when they thought he wasn't looking.

But he saw them all.

Jeonghan’s eyes darting towards him every couple of minutes or so, _He's probably making sure that I was still practicing_ , Junhui thought wryly. _God knows I need to_.

Soonyoung’s reluctance to tell him the mistakes he made during the group's practice sessions, _It's because there were too many to count_ , he thought, not without some bitterness.

Even Jihoon, who, according to Mingyu, makes speaking during practice seem like pulling teeth had spoken with Seungkwan and Seokmin briefly before coming up to him and asked if he needed to take some time off to rest.

To Junhui, all these noticings meant one thing. _They are worrying about you becoming a burden Junhui. I mean, who would want a member of their group to be so stupidly uncoordinated and can't even get the movements memorized in less than 5 hours? I'm so stupid, nobody would want me-_

Junhui shouldn't have let his mind wander. Letting his mind wander while dancing to SEVENTEEN’s choreography is a death wish, showcasing a strong desire to meet the floor up close and personal. And that's what he did. Usually Junhui would shrug it off and get right back up, but then again, usually he wouldn't have been practicing for several hours without food or water. Usually, his head would not have felt like it was stuffed with cotton and that colliding with the floor is a good idea. But now is not usually, he has no energy left in his body, and his head is feeling the irresistible force of gravity. Allowing himself to be dragged away by the black mass encroaching upon his vision, Junhui’s eyes fluttered closed.

 

~ • ~ • ~ • ~

 

Feeling frantic hands shaking his shoulders and a vague voice telling him to wake up, Junhui’s face contorted into a grimace. Mumbling out some unintelligible sounds, he hoped that whoever was shaking him would get the message that he wanted to sleep for just five more minutes. The hands at his shoulders left then, and Junhui sighed with relief, slipping back into the awaiting arms of dreamland, where he would've stayed for quite a while more.

But the hands came back, more persistent than last time, and joined by an additional pair. The voice sounded more insistent too. Almost as if it was worried about him.

“Junnie-yah, you can't keep sleeping on the floor, it’s too cold and you're gonna get sick. Let's get you back to the dorms and into your bed okay?”

“Mmmfshhsffhshhhh….”

“...Junnie?”

“Mmfgghsjhh…”

“Oh well then…”

 

~ • ~ • ~ • ~

 

Junhui felt a piercing pain behind his closed eyelids, waking him up from what was possibly the most sleep he has gotten in the recent months. Sitting up groggily with a hand on his forehead in a vain attempt to calm the raging dinosaurs stomping around in there, he anticipated the dull _thud_ and the pain that would inevitably arrive when his head knocked against the too low ceiling of his shared room. But no such sound accompanied by the expected pain arrived.

Finally registering the fact that he may not be in his own bed or even in his room, Junhui squinted through his headache and took in the computers and gaming gear that surrounded the wall of the room. Before he can question how and why he ended up in Seungcheol and Wonwoo’s shared bedroom though, the door opened and Seungkwan’s head popped in.

“Junnie-hyung! You're awake!” he whisper-shouted, coming in slowly, not wanting to startle Junhui.

“Yea, I guess. But what happened? Why am I in Seungcheol-hyung and Won-”

“Junnie?”

A voice in the hallway interrupts his question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, questions, comments about this chapter? Let me know down below! Thank you for reading!!!  
> Also, I created a cc at https://curiouscat.me/Nellehui  
> Feel free to ask me anything!!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2Seung have a talk with Junnie. Things kinda get resolved(?), but not quite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATED TAGS!!  
> Uhhh, so I realized I left the first chapter on a small cliffhanger? So I wanted to post a chapter quicker lol.  
> This chapter is very dialogue heavy because communication is key, but I’m not good at writing dialogues, so... oh welp

Seungcheol comes in with a cup of warm water and sets it beside the bed.

“Drink up,” he said, and Junhui obediently did so, still confused about why he is in the other’s room, and why the two had such grim, serious faces.

“Kwannie found you collapsed on the floor of the practice room this morning,” Seungcheol put out, as Junhui was showing no signs of recollection. “He called me to bring you back to the dorms and I thought it would be better for you to stay here, where I can keep an eye on you.”

“Oh,” Junhui replied, averting his eyes to his hands, suddenly finding them to be very interesting. “I guess I just fell asleep while taking a break. I mean, it happens, right?”

“But hyung, when I got there the speakers were still playing our comeback song on loop. It doesn’t seem like you were taking a break,” Seungkwan frowned.  

“I was, uh, f-familiarizing myself with the beats. Yea, that,” Junhui internally cursed his stutter, knowing that the other two had picked up on that. After years of spending time with each other, the members all knew each other’s habits when they are not telling the full truth- and Jun’s was stuttering and avoiding eye contact while speaking to his members.

There was a tense moment where nobody spoke, only to be broken when Seungcheol suddenly asked, “When was the last time you’ve eaten, Junnie?”

“Huh?”

“When did you last eat?” He patiently repeated.

“Ummm yesterday afternoon I w-went to a cafe and had lunch.” Noticing a piece of string on the blanket, Jun nervously twisted it around his fingers, hoping that the interrogation, however gentle, would stop.

“But weren’t you with Woozi-hyung recording your part in the song the entire day yesterday? I remember him saying that you were pushing yourself too hard to sing those high notes…” Seungkwan trailed off, eyes widening. “Are you lying to us hyung?” He looked at Jun with eyes that can rival those of a kicked puppy, and how was Jun ever able to resist those eyes from any of his dongsaengs?

“I’m sorry,” his apology was immediate, reaching out for Seungkwan’s hands. “I wasn’t at a cafe yesterday; I spent the entire day in the recording room. I’m sorry...” Junhui trailed off, a palpable sense of guilt emanating from his entire being.

 _‘Why am I always like this,’_ he lamented, ‘ _always letting down the members. Why can’t I be the confident older brother/role model figure that I’m supposed to be for the younger ones, or someone who doesn’t cause the hyungs to be worried-’_

A firm hand on his shoulder brought Junhui out of his thoughts.

“Junnie-yah, we don’t want you to apologize to us. We- and by we, I mean all the members- just want you to take care of yourself more. Most of us already noticed that you haven’t been eating much, if at all. We know that you hide your stress and your real thoughts behind the happy and optimistic persona that you put on. We just want you to know that it’s ok to tell us, your members, what’s bothering you and show us your weak side sometimes, you know?”

Seungcheol spoke in such a kind tone that Junhui felt his eyes becoming uncomfortably hot and his nose soured, bringing tears, unbidden, to his vision. He quickly ducked his head.

“I know,” he replied after a few beats of silence, in a carefully measured tone that he hoped wouldn’t betray his physical state, “I know, but then I would have to think about what to say and when to break down and who is around and if I even should be crying and-”

Two pairs of arms wrapping around him in a hug effectively put an end to his rambling. “It’s going to be just fine,” Seungkwan assures him, “If it gets too difficult, just come to me, or any one of the members. Because

**_To me you are very precious_ **

**_You can tell me today was tough_ **

**_I am here, you suffered a lot_ **

**_I love you_ **

**_I will hug you._ **

Hyung-ie, I’m always here for you. If you ever need anyone, even if it’s not me, you don’t have to feel as if you’re not supposed to come to us. All of us want to be there for you,” he finishes, tenderly wiping away the tears that have spilled over from Junhui’s trembling lashes.

Next to Junhui, with his arms still wrapped around him in a hug, Seungcheol heaved a big sigh. “Junnie, you need to stop bottling things up inside of yourself. You know, sometimes I feel that I’m not a good leader because you kids never tell me what’s on your mind. Between Soonyoung and Jihoon, I’ve already got a headache with them overworking themselves for every comeback. At least they come to us when they can’t continue anymore and it’s obvious when they’re pushing themselves. But with you, I can’t tell. You just keep acting the same damn way even if you’re not feeling well, and sometimes I feel that you don’t trust me enough to confide in me,” Seungcheol confesses.

Aghast, Junhui stared at his hyung. He had never wanted his leader to feel as though he didn’t trust him. “No, hyung, it’s not that I don’t trust you! I do! A lot! But, I think it’s just that I’m… insecure about myself. It get hard for me to not compare myself with you guys, especially since all of you seem to have something unique to give to our team, but, me, I’m just in charge of being the quiet handsome Chinese member! And I’m not even the only Chinese member- Minghao’s b-boying and martial arts skills are amazing. He’s more suitable to be on the team.”

“How could you say that?!” Seungkwan was enraged. “How dare you think that you’re not necessary to our team? It was a promise between us to debut together, was it not? So why are you doubting yourself? There are so many people out there, dreaming, _wishing,_ that they can debut and be successful as idols. You already are one. Carats love Seventeen because we are thirteen handsome and talented members, not because we are twelve talented members plus one pretty airhead!!”

Seungcheol and Seungkwan then looked at Junhui, who had visibly wilted during Seungkwan’s tirade.

“I… I’ll try to convince myself of that,” Junhui muttered, “but it’s not like I’ll suddenly be confident in myself again.”

“That’s the best that we can hope for,” Seungcheol sighed once again. “Now we should wait for the other kids to come back so we can all have a talk about this-”

“No!” Junhui practically shouted. “I don’t really want the others to know about what happened today.” Seeing as how the two were about to argue with him, Junhui continued, “I promise you guys that I’ll start eating more and take care of myself. I just don’t want to cause the other members to worry.”

The two glanced at each other, and with great reluctance, his leader said, “Fine. But we expect you to stick to your promise,” he warned. “If we see that you’re not improving we’ll have a group meeting right away.”

Relieved, Junhui agreed right away. He didn’t want the other members to be burdened with what he felt was trivial worries.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts, questions, comments about this chapter? Let me know down below! Thank you for reading!!!  
> Also, I created a cc at https://curiouscat.me/Nellehui  
> Feel free to ask me anything!!


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